Ponderings.

I bring to you, human history as I have seen it.  I bring you the perspective of the gods though they can no longer perceive it.  And I will bring us back to this world and end my ponderings with love.

Looking at the bigger picture, we must first realize that the only way we can ever continue or be remember is through our achievements.  To have our names carved into stone. But we must also realize that any and all must one day fade.  Even steel, like memory will one day erode.  And even if it does not, eventually, as our successors gain power, even if they learn responsibility, even if they manage to control time itself... eventually there will only be a small group left.  The rest will have been so worn from the emptiness and eternality that they succumb.  And in those dark days of judgement when the universe is failing and the truth of our futile struggle to slow the flow of entropy is laid bare, it will be discovered, a time when entropy will fail.  A time for a desperate group to survive and restart the counter of eternity.  In those days all else is forgotten along with the pain, the joy, the sensations of humanity, identity itself is also lost.  There is only hope, at the darkest hour, all that is left will be a dogged will to survive based on a slimmter of hope.  But what is left that is to survive?  Only the essense of humanity.  Lost are all the binding of identity, history and even sensation.  At this darkest hour, the infinite ocean is in such turmoil and chaos, that nothing can create a significant impact.

But let us cling to hope, let us pretend that at least one person survived to play god, what can they do?  Create another sentience like ourselves.  To recreate humanity in their own image and give all that they have left to give in terms of instruction: "Do not seek the forbidden fruit of knowledge".  But the seeking of knowledge is an instinct no image of humanity can deny.  They will eat of the forbidden fruit and the gods, ancients who have lost their humanity in their suffering will have to leave.  They will hide and not interfere for their intervention would bring the cycle to a quickening end; before the people are ready, the darkest hour will arrive again.  Eventually they who played god will tire and die but first they will watch and know the joys and pains of each era of humanity.  With each development, they will know joy for their children and pain.  Their pain is the knowledge that each step is another towards humanity's doom.  In their hearts they wish humans would not progress but they knew from the start that the nature of humanity would not allow that.  I envy these theoretical beings.  They are human without being human.  Yet I pity them for I know how much they wish to interact but they restrain themselves for the greater good.  But then there was Christ.  He was a great and terrible person.  It was a very calculated interaction.  Or perhaps he was just human.

So really, there is no significance to life except to be.  There really isn't much else we can do.  It's best to enjoy life as we know it.  Whether or not we leave our mark on the world, it's just a measure of our impact.  But ultimately, the effect of a small pebble and a gigantic boulder upon an infinite ocean is the same.  There will be ripples for each, affecting everything on the surface, the ripples spreading to affect even the edges of infinity but after some time, both are insignicant compared to the impact of newer stones.

Just as the men of the 18th century cannot imagine a society like our own, we cannot imagine the future society of man.  But we can assume that they will have some form of transportation and some form of communication and some form of struggle.  Tell me, how often do we even remember the name of the man who invented to carriage, our most signifcant vehicle at the time or even the car that we favour today.  So after realizing that your life has no impact at all on the infinite ocean of this universe, tell me, is there still life?

Yes.  Because there is love.  Because there is happiness.  Of course, in theory they are no more than reactions but fundementally, they are reactions of greater good, of unity and of the joy brought on by achievement.  The achievements themselves that will have no effect but achievements nevertheless.  That achievement is the passage of time and the upbringing of a new generation.  That achievement consists of the bonds formed of lovers, from lover to lover, from parent to child, woven of spirit rather than blood.  And that... when seen in the greater scheme of things is why we love... is why I love.  That is why I search for significance in my person.  This is what I have seen.  This is the endless cycle.  Even if it does not happen as I have described it.  It does not matter.  Because life is sensation and awareness--deeper meaning can only be found in one's true self.  Deeper sensation can only be found in each other.  For any terrible burden, especially the terrible burden of emptiness becomes lighter when shared.  Because emptiness can be eradicated--filled up--with love.

Everyone we know is mortal, my dear:
Sometimes, we can't see what other see
Because we are people affected by grief
And blinded by love or other such fiends

Our friends may seem deaf to our pleas
They claim to understand every need
But dearest, they cannot and do not know
What is desired by the heart and soul

Thus, measure by care if you please
For within each heart is a page for you
Or perhaps more in gentle bloom
And pain at your angry tone...

Meh... I try and I should know better--now I do

Since when did I want to be a poet?  I don’t know… the language has been so corrupted.  I want to learn Latin… in all its purity… until then I’ll use English

A Secret Rose

They say only the dreamers know

The forlorn meaning of true love.

Away looked he who held the plow,

His gentleness masked by a glove.

This is the tale of a lover,

Living in an era of strife

A mortal man like all other,

Were it not for his other life.

Of the infinite skies we see,

Many a heated stars die cold,

Trapped in a fateful harmony,

Though rare those hearts of pure pure gold…

A lattice of simplicity,

Found only in the pleasant stars,

Not a drop of duplicity.

Herein, receive he many scars.

In boundless fields of golden grain,

Our paragon toils thus unseen.

Darkness rules and he feels the drain,

Without protest, he keeps the green.

Here stays he, awaiting the change.

For whom he wait, only he knows.

A perfect lover for his grange,

For this… he has his secret rose…

Meh, I waste so much time everyday on poems like these... love or hate... it doesn't matter anymore... I've gotten used to writing both... it's sickening how easily rhythm comes to me these days... Ha! This poem is about the corruption of true love by "modern" city life and how only dreamers (idealists) know true love and how an organic farmer keeps the future safe (after we destroy the ecology of most of the world)... how this is also a symbol of our ideal social values i.e. love... it's also about how simplicity is best but simplicity is not quite simple... just look at a crystal or a piece of paper and you'll understand... there's more, you try your own interpretation... the glove.... the mask.... the plow... the scar... the drain...

If there’s something in memory that I cannot access

Then there’s tyranny somewhere, one I will assess.

Somewhere in memories a trove not assessed

If anger’s a gift, then I’ve been blessed

I can’t quite get right the feel that all is going well,

I say, damn you.  Ring the freaking hell bell.

Because I’m the darkness that haunts the night

The bringer of complete wrath upon your sight

I cannot stand you, not one bit more. 

You have no idea what horror I hold in store

For an era of terror and unwarranted might

To a time when shines the social light

I would not for a second more forgive

What warrants the pains through which I live.

Had I an extinction blade then you’d all be dead

I’d stab your heart and reduce your head

So dance to the song of fate, yo yonder men of clay

I think it’s time for some change this day

Come on out and then we’ll play

With a shotgun so you’ll finally pay

The debt you owe to my friend,

So this day, this day, we… will… mend…

Consilio et Animis - By Wisdom and Courage

Veni, Vedi, Vici - I came, I saw, I conquered

Carpe Diem - Seize the Present/Seize the Day

Magnum Opum - A Great Undertaking

Pro Memoria - For the Memory

Malo Modo - In an Evil Manner

Gold is both good and bad.  It symbolizes weatlh and good fortune.  However, it also symbolizes greed.  Some would call greed the source of all evil.

Darkness is only dark to those used to the light.  Despite the fact one may see more outside of Plato's cave, perhaps the illusion is reversed.  We do not know what is real and what is not.  Perhaps the world is shadows is reality and we are but puppets.  I have doubts but anything is possible.

My Impetus and My Eternal Will:
My Body, My Mind and Immortal Soul.

I almost learned how to fold a paper rose today and I learned how to hold a paper double heart today.

Wonder if I can actually maintain a daily blog... I'm really lazy but MSN msger makes it really easy especially if I'm bored... I remember being too lazy to log into my blog/website and letting them die... hmm... think they're dead now...

This is the weekend, a time of relaxation and recollection.  My meditations on life have brought me nothing but more questions.  I have reaffirmed my belief that the purpose of life lies in the very search for absolutes--an absolute meaning to life.  In other words.  We seek universal truth whiere universal truth may or may not be found.

I think I can end up writing essays on this thing when I'm bored.

This is why I like the colour green:
Green is a creative colour but blue is soothing.  Green is ancient.  It is the colour of the beggining and the end--the colour of the source and the void.  The colour of technologies beyond our scope and mysteries from an era long lost to the mists of time.  It is the life of technology in the future, of all microprocessors and of the frist artificial intelligence.  It is the colour of the first true being of complex nature with the adaptions neccessary to allow the existance of thought after eons of evolution.  Green is the revolution.  This is green...

Febrile madness accompanied by ennui begins with insanity.  Lose to me.  The last game which is play.  Dedicate this all to pain.  Give in to myself.  Give in to anger, Give in to pain.  Give in to love.  Give in to hate.  Give in to failure.  Give in to success.

If anger's a gift then I've been blessed.

I'll probably use this to rant...